the national pastime

Discussion in 'The Bodyguard's Scribbles' started by The Bodyguard, May 29, 2019.

  1. The Bodyguard Pretty Spiffy [________] Humorist

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    She scampers around the yard, flitting like a hummingbird, to each flower carefully checking its health. I love to watch her do this for her athletic legs and and cheerleader arms go well with her fluttering hair and bouncing bound boobs.

    Of course where we live the neighbor's have a clear view of her too. So there's at least four other guys sitting on their porches, glass of something in hand, bowl of snacks, just watching her prance and trot and heave and bend over. All hoping that old threadbare cut off jeans I gave her last year will this year finally split when she bends over.

    Tiny bells, cut off her winter sleigh harness when she's shoveling the snow, dangle from her well pushed out nipples, musically not very delightful, but that's not their purpose, of course.

    That's why I enjoy the weekends and have saved money by not going to the baseball parks this year. I have my rocker, and cooler, and the televised game on the monitor on the back porch table.

    Every time there's a home run or good play I hit the remote that activates the random sprinkler system, sometimes drenching her but usually just touching any of her fine attributes. She never seems to mind, just laughing, continuing on with the garden work, with an occasional awkward wiggle, or pause for a long shoulder and neck roll.

    "what's that dear? oh, yes, the seventh inning stretch coming up shortly." And when it does she'll casually sway her way over to me, sigh as she unbuttons the cutoffs and lets it fall. And then I do my duty and recharge the batteries that have been giving her the reason for all that flittering, fluttering, bouncing, wiggles, and blissful pauses. Then she'll proudly bend over to pick up the cutoff's, for the viewing pleasure for those behind the binoculars, and go back to cutting the lawn with child size scissors.

    So,yeah, I'm saving money by not going to the game and the parking and the high priced hot dogs and beer, and program, and disappointment when the locals lose. But that just about covers up hiring my brother's secretary's daughter to come over every Saturday. Going to have to raise the prices for those guys watching from outside my backyard stadium.
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