The Dragon's Helper

Discussion in 'The Bodyguard's Scribbles' started by The Bodyguard, Mar 13, 2018.

  1. The Bodyguard Pretty Spiffy [________] Humorist

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    The little man all in green, a feather in his cap, did sit down across from me.

    “Have ye seen the paintings of sweet maidens tied to a rock or tree,

    and saved from a dragon by a shining armored, handsome knight?”

    Based on St. George and the dragon, I replied. “Ah, quite right.”

    "Have ye ever thought how sweet maidens got tied to a tree?

    Not by the dragon, but by hired men such as me."

    He handed me his brochure with name and website address

    titled 'Have Dragon, Will Rescue Damsel in Distress.”

    I almost laughed in the little man's gnarled old face,

    but as I sat in the train's compartment I wished to hear the man's case.

    For there sitting beside him was a damsel, Bess,

    who I wished to see in quite some distress.

    My secretary, thought to be talking to a cop

    about affairs I wished she would not

    with documents held securely in her briefcase.

    Oh, yes, I listened gazing at her innocent face.

    “Me family were slate workers till nineteen fifty three

    when the market fell out and no other jobs you see.

    So there in our valley are rocks like a dragon...”

    offering us both a swig from his pocket flagon.

    “With a place to set a fire to breathe out its nose,

    and a nearby old post for a maiden to pose

    while her husband or boyfriend should ride around

    on a horse and save her, striking the dragon down,

    though nowadays a motorcycle is used much more;

    I supply chains and costumes from my store.”

    He urged me to take another sip from his flagon

    and soon I was dreaming of her succumbing to a dragon,

    as a maiden bound oh so tight to the post,

    stripped and whipped far into the night.

    But his tale was not quite true you see,

    for his website was for filming the likes of me.

    I'd pay as a lover for a day of fun

    and then as a victim of blackmail from this bum.

    I nodded as we halted at a rarely used stop

    and Bess was taken off, sick it was thought

    though merely drugged and mishandled without care

    onto a golf cart and the ride up the valley where

    stood an old slate barn and an old slate house

    while I removed Bess's skirt and blouse,

    gagging her innocent sweet face

    with the incriminating evidence from the case.

    In the barn the rest of her clothes were taken away

    and from ropes to each arm she did wonderfully sway.

    "Tomorrow we adorn her in garlands of green

    and gold and a white slip of transparent sheen.

    But tonight we'll dine watching such a naked treasure

    while we discuss business with pleasure."

    In the morning I helped the hired men

    light the charcoal for the dragon's fire and then

    the waited for a thousand hits on the website's post

    before they dragged the gagged Bess to the valley's post.

    Cameramen caught her unhappy glares

    as I mounted an old sway back mare,

    her knight in shining armor I would be

    while the little man dressed up as a smaller dragon you see.

    He scampered around tearing at the thin dress

    with sharpened talons that made a mess

    crossing her beautiful breasts and shaved mound,

    her muffled comments a melodious sound.

    She twisted and kicked but had no luck,

    reddening wherever the talons struck.

    And when she was properly laced, unfaked, it's true,

    I moseyed the mare into action to do what a knight should do.

    I wielded a fake sword, it's true, and sent the dragon away

    then to the struggling damsel in her ear I did say

    "you have a new job with my firm if you behave"

    and gave a long bonus humping to my new slave.

    Then I tied her hair to the mare's tail

    and rode back up the valley ending the video tale.

    The little man in green was quite pleased

    as I bought out his business and valley lease.

    Bess got promoted to the website's new host

    inviting one and all while struggling on the post

    That should you desire a dragon to slay,

    bring your fair maiden to us today

    to be bound and dragon played just like Bess

    as a Damsel in Historic Distress.

    (on the oft chance anyone read this a few years ago, it is a rewrite of a poem erodite posted using a story I wrote in high school and thankfully my creative writing teacher was into 'mishandling without care')