Discussion in 'The Bodyguard's Scribbles' started by The Bodyguard, Jul 12, 2018.

  1. The Bodyguard Pretty Spiffy [________] Humorist

    Blog Posts:
    There was nothing more enticing than watching her slightly wet hair flutter around her face while her generous boobs bounced in differing directions.

    I was laying on the big bed considering the hotel's wine list when she burst out of the bathroom. In a gasping for breath voice she informed me "there's a man dressed up as an old lady wielding a kitchen knife in there."

    "Yes, darling." I sighed and went in to check for such, remembering it had been her choice of an Alfred Hitchcock film to watch.

    I returned to her shivering on the edge of the bed. "No one there." And gently laid her out in a more formal arrangement. I took off my robe and knelt beside her pressed together legs.
    "Honey, there are eyes peeking out of the wardrobe cabinet behind you."

    I turned and saw the cabinet robe door slightly opened. Went over and closed it. Then returned to guiding her legs to a more appreciable position.
    "Snookums, there are eyes peering out of the ceiling lamp shade."

    I looked up from the promising site below me to the ornate crystal lamp shade. I went over to the switch on the wall and flicked it several times, finally to off position. Nothing up there. I felt I could feel my way until my eyes got adjusted.

    As I leaned over her, ready to do my duty...
    "There are eyes peering at use from the clothes drawer."

    My eyes were clearly adjusted to the dark room now and slammed shut the partially opened drawer, remembering the Elmer Fudd cartoon that had preceded the movie.

    I returned and set my hands upon her boobs and was about to...
    "Darling, there's something falling from the roof, I think it is a huge curved blade on a pendulum."

    I swore under my breath and rolled off the bed and turned on the lights to examine everything in the damn room. Stared at the enticement on the bed. Only one thing to do.

    I put her feet in the stocks at the end of the bed and raised her hands into the shackles at the top end. Then dug some coins out of my pants pocket and set the rack dial to one quarter turn every ten minutes. Then turned out the lights.

    She screamed as the sound of chainsaws ripped thru the air. I went to the window and saw a trio of goalie masked guys at the bar parking lot across the street, gunning their motor scooters. I yelled at them. They quickly departed.

    I stood at the window expecting a whooshing noise next and the room filled with a blue swirling light. But that did not happen so I went back to her just as the first turn of the rack made a pleasant rise of her back.

    Next morning I dragged her by a big toe down the stairs to the hotel desk.

    "Everything satisfactory?" The polite boy asked, taking a peek over the counter to admire what I had finally worn myself out on at about 4 a.m.

    "Uh, no, going home." I said yawning.
    "Didn't like the room?"
    "Absolutely not."
    "We could give you the Presidential suite without any additional charge."

    "Naw. That would be a real horror story." I paid the bill and picked up the one piece of luggage, and her other big toe, and hauled her out to the hearse.
    "Shall we put you down for the next full moon, Mr. Beast?"

    "Might as well."